July 8, 2014
I was a little too wound up today due to yesterday’s excitement.
As you know we had a home invasion in June; shortly after Mario died. The people involved were former friends of my son. Police went to question one of the kids today. Do you know his parents came to my doorstep and continuously called my phone! ?! Guess these kids are being tied into a few more. Hope they all get tried as adults since they feel it’s OK to hold guns on people.
I ended up having to call the police because they called me non-stop for 2 hours straight, showed up in my doorstep, and sent several text messages to my son and me.
A friend stated that it is a crime for a potential suspect to contact the victim. Something to do with witness tampering.
Sure as hell is. In your state: “609.498 TAMPERING WITH WITNESS.” is the law, and while they have made no threats as such; I think they would meet the criteria of 3rd degree. Call the police any time you’re approached by anyone on their behalf.
I was so pissed by their actions, I let them push my buttons. I was not so friendly on the phone. I am a ticking time bomb after all the stuff that has been happening since Mario’s passing. I am surprised I am holding it together as well as I am.
Today has been one of those days where I wish I could just pick up the telephone and talk to Mario. In spite of everything, he was still my best friend. I could talk to him about anything. If something wasn’t right, he would do his best to make it right. The knowledge that he is gone is a little overwhelming today.
I finally decided I do not like how my heart felt since taking these new cholesterol pills, so I researched the side effects and m very glad I did. The racing heart rate is one of the severe side effects. Not to mention my already erratic sleeping pattern and chest pains. I messaged my doctor who won’t be in the office until Thursday. In the meantime I have stopped taking them all together. Since I have been feeling like this for a week, I didn’t feel like it was life threatening enough to head to the emergency room. I did make it this long.
Since I didn’t sleep well, I chose to take a nap this afternoon. My cousin happened to get on my ass about napping. She said:
I was self employed and worked twice as hard building my business. You will lose it if you don’t kick your own ass in gear. Time to call the pity party over and get back to living. Had this not happened you would have had what done by now?
Her husband died in November and was older; they are in their 60’s, whereas my husband was 40 and his death unexpected. My response:
At the 67 day mark and am working in that direction. My husband was only 40. Since his death I had to deal with B.S. at his office, his family, illness, shocking revelations, finances and home invasion. Technically, I just started to have the opportunity to grieve and think I am handling very well.
All that adds up to just stuff that can’t be changed. Excuses are the nails that built the house of failure. You ARE the one that is in charge of your life. Build it the way you both planned it to be. Finish his dream and move forward This will be a better use of your grief. Honor him.
I realize she wants me to move forward in a positive direction in my life, but I am only at the 67 day mark and had to deal with a lot of emotional stuff. It isn’t as if I am not working or making ends meet. We are just getting by. Her comments really hurt my feelings. I am not in some great depression, but there are tough days where I don’t feel like doing crap. Or, nights where I don;t sleep well and need a nap.
I chose self-employment because of my physical and mental disabilities. It allows me the time to take care of myself when I need too. I think dealing with the situations for the last two months qualifies as a reason to take care of me. I have been working, just at a more relaxed pace. I think if anything more happens I will go off the deep end.
Although I have had some harsh moments of non-stop crying, my mini breakdowns are rare. I am too busy trying to make our life right to sit and cry all day. I would think that I am doing really well in dealing with my grief. I am even back to studying my butt off to get my next set of licenses. I may even retain my real estate license if it isn’t too late to get that accomplished. I just need to complete 15 hours of the continuing education and pay the fee.
Once my business cards are ready, I will begin a huge networking campaign. I plan on spending my evenings out and about with friends and meeting new people and prospective clients. It isn’t like I am sitting in a room and sulking all day. Heck, I have even been outside and got natural Vitamin D with a nice base tan. My life is moving forward, I am not standing still, I am making baby steps. People grieve differently and I am not ready for major strides at the moment. Accomplishing one project at a time, and taking it one day at a time. I only had 7 years with my husband, not 20+, and I feel a little cheated. I got married to grow old with Mario, not grow old alone.
On that note, I am going to try and get a couple more hours of studying in. Hoping I don’t end up in the emergency room. A friend of mine said to just be calm, and don’t do anything strenuous.